3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the day after is always just damage control
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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