**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
