shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.