How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away