I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch