for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
