Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
