I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
