see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
4 words: hood of his car
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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