I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
