Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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