I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
