I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
