Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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