You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
