Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
