Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
