the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize