i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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