I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
