my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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