I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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