Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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