Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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