why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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