he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just want nice things and good sex
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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