roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him