brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules