I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?