I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
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the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.