At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
