If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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