you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.