dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit