I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My life is pants optional.