i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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