Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is