Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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