He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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