i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
