Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

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  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (13385) Bad night (1711)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

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  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (11249) Bad night (1410)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this

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  (807): Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this http://tfl.nu/x0os
  Replies (10) Good night (1445) Bad night (4127)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.

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  (717): We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation. http://tfl.nu/p6jv
  Replies (43) Good night (1389) Bad night (4634)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  You told him you loved him!?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.

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  (260): You told him you loved him!? (1-260): I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes. http://tfl.nu/duby
  Replies (6) Good night (2800) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon

  (703): View more from Virginia

  she was in a cheetah costume

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  (703): got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon (703): she was in a cheetah costume http://tfl.nu/slro
  Replies (13) Good night (4743) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.

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  (210): I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer. http://tfl.nu/a3pu
  Replies (8) Good night (3288) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.

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  (817): Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night. http://tfl.nu/bkam
  Replies (7) Good night (2171) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.

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  (570): I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know. http://tfl.nu/puq8
  Replies (10) Good night (1896) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.

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  (201): In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye. http://tfl.nu/tv9w
  Replies (7) Good night (827) Bad night (1441)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....

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  (250): So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too..... http://tfl.nu/p12c
  Replies (2) Good night (936) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.

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  (720): Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet. http://tfl.nu/7a7w
  Replies (2) Good night (856) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.

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  (850): Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/ipen
  Replies (9) Good night (2722) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf

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  (781): Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf http://tfl.nu/hqdc
  Replies (2) Good night (1018) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.

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  (513): My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low. http://tfl.nu/k9vt
  Replies (3) Good night (287) Bad night (560)

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