Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.