i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.