I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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