I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
