Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize