I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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