Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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