No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
