I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
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Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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