WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
