I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
