He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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