apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize