well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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