After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
