I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
