Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize