I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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