i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.