Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me