You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference