I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
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Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass