you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
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I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.