His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
