I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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